February 20, 2013 by rufusdindeel
The disastrous first (and last) voyage of the RMS Titanic, on the 15th of April, year 1912, resulted in the loss of 1,502 human lives. The ship, operated by the White Star Line, was built in Belfast, and believed to be unsinkable, only until its maiden voyage, departing from Southampton, UK, on April 10th, en route to New York City, when it collided with an iceberg on the fateful evening of the 14th. She was carrying 2,224 passengers when it struck the iceberg. Among the thousands on board was a young man named Leonardo DiCaprio. Many believe that DiCaprio died on a piece of wreckage, freezing to death in the cold waters approximately 600km south of Newfoundland, but as the rest of us who read Esquire, GQ, Men’s Health and a plethora of other men’s magazines know, he is not only very much alive and well, but also one stylish mother fucker. As a young gent, I cried watching the false footage of DiCaprio dying in the cold waters of the Atlantic, thinking to myself “How could he have fallen for the skinny red head, he is capable of wheeling such mint strange!” I was also confused by everyone calling Leo “Jack” throughout the inaccurate film, but then again I suppose people did call their peers “Jack” a lot back in the day. Either way, he was a pimp back then and a pimp today. After running through such marvelous talent such the likes of Claire Danes, Bar Rafaeli, Gisele Bundchen, Blake Lively and Erin Heatherton, one can only be envious of him in every way; fashion mogul, movie star, wheel-man extraordinaire, and general role model for anything walking the earth with a dick between his legs. From all of us here at The Grim Whiskey: We salute you, Mr. DiCaprio. Say “Hello” to Fabrizio.